i appreciate the help,
but even you can't save me from myself.
wendy. twenty-one. diagnosed; severe chronic manic depression. anorexia nervosa b/p type, general anxiety disorder. i'm attempting to give recovery a shot but i'm failing miserably. no surprise there, i fail at almost everything. i love my four year old sister. i live for her.
I don't promote any self destructive behavior.
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I’ve reached a new low. Manipulating my grandparents into letting me buy binge food.
Emmie made me eat 5 pieces of popcorn. I had her turn around in the stall so I could purge. When we came out the lady in the stall next to me comes out and says, “you’re beautiful and have so much to live for, please stop” I’m a monster.
brought Emmie to Disney Land for the day~ since I’m most likely getting admitted to OceanAire (residential) tomorrow. For two months. Then La Ventana for IOP for about another month. Then just OP for however long. Sigh. I haven’t eaten since Sunday when I got admitted to the hospital. I’m so weak. I might allow myself some veggies tonight. I hate this.
person: you know starving yourself and purging won't actually help you lose weight
me: WOW, this is brand new information
Anonymous said: 2 &15
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
earlier today, no matter how hard i try if i eat even a crumb i have to purge and it upsets me so fucking much because i don’t want to but i find myself purging over and over and i throw things and i just start crying because i’m such a disappointment.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
my anorexia and purging behaviors. because it’s all i have. i know it’s going to kill me but i just can’t let go. and i hate it and hate myself because of it. i just want to be rid of it but i just can’t. i can’t.
Anonymous said: I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world <3 you are not nor have ever been worthless or a failure. You're amazing<3 I hope you feel better
you’re too kind. but i just can’t believe you. i’m sorry. <3
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
11. Does love = sex?
12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
22. Are you old fashioned?
23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
purgingmylifeaway:
Once you see yourself as fat, you never see anything else- even if everyone else says you aren’t it doesn’t matter to you because the only thing that is relevant is that black hole in your head that sucks out your soul and infects your mind. The black hole says you’re fat and you have no room in your head to fight these thoughts because the black hole won’t stop screaming at you.
(via imfearingitall)
