i always feel so disgusted during and after. afterwards it’s guaranteed i won’t sleep and that i’ll cut and have an anxiety attack. i hate myself.
then on the other hand, it makes me feel better that they only have to worry about it every so often.
but i’m not “that type of girl” i’m the one that doesn’t believe in marriage and knows fairytale endings aren’t real. and even if they were…i don’t deserve any of this.
about how that one bite of apple that i kept down (because he asked me to try) i could literally feel it turning into fat everywhere, how i needed to cut, or go for a run, i even threw up in front of him (he wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom so i started purging in a bush, etc. all he did was hold me run his fingers through my hair and he kept repeating “you’re so beautiful and i’m so luck to have you”…..i can’t remember the let time i cried that hard of for that long.